That Time I Cried in the Dressing Room

I was standing in front of the mirror, staring at what I thought was a disappointment to all mankind. All of a sudden, everything wrong with my body was suddenly so much worse than I ever thought it had been and I wondered how I could have let something like this happen to me. The pair of jeans I had grabbed were not going on, regardless of how much I jumped up and pulled, and the tops I had picked out were much tighter than I remember them. I had gone up two sizes and they were still too small!

I was standing in front of the mirror, staring at what I thought was a disappointment to all mankind. All of a sudden, everything wrong with my body was suddenly so much worse than I ever thought it had been and I wondered how I could have let something like this happen to me.

The pair of jeans I had grabbed were not going on, regardless of how much I jumped up and pulled, and the tops I had picked out were much tighter than I remember them. I had gone up two sizes and they were still too small! What the heck was going on?

I must admit, this was not the first time I had been insecure in front of the mirror, but this time, it took on a whole new ugly face and I had myself a diva meltdown in the dressing room that day. My mom embarrassingly pleaded with me to pull it together until we left the store. I think the staff started to witness my pity party but honestly, I never noticed anyone else. That’s the thing about insecurity—it’s always 100% focused on you at the expense of everyone else around you.

I started thinking to myself, “Maybe I’m just not meant to shop at Abercrombie…” After all, have you seen the models on the wall? I may not have expected the clothes to be that unyielding, but I knew I didn’t look like them.

For most of my life I have struggled with my body image. I’ve done gymnastics since I was three-years-old and I have what they call a classic gymnast’s body. I know I know… it sounds great. But it’s not what you think. All that means is no boobs and a very noticeable butt. I don’t’ know what girl would willing choose this body type. No matter how skinny you get, that round tush is never fitting into a size 00—which is what I wore in middle school. Somehow, around my freshman year of high school, it’s as if everything made a giant steer to the rear and I’ve been crying in dressing rooms ever since.

Now to be fair, it’s really not that bad. But that day in that dressing room with those clothes… it might as well have been the end of the world!!!

Why do we do this to ourselves? We could be having the greatest time with the people we love and then catch a glance of ourselves in the mirror and all of a sudden we can’t stop thinking about how frizzy our hair is, or that blemish front and center, or how much closer our thighs come together than hers do.

We all know that Eve has had a pretty rough reputation over the centuries for eating that dang apple, but let’s not forget that she was also the finishing touch on God’s plan. She was the crescendo of time, the crown of all His creation. Life on this earth was not complete yet or “good” until she came on the scene. She was needed, not just for her body, but for who she was. And the same is true for you and me.

You may not feel like you have a lot to offer this world or a man for that matter. But you are more than the reflection glaring back at you. You are a royal daughter of the most high God and you have been intentionally created, specifically designed, and brilliantly purposed for this day and this time on the earth. You are not a mistake or an after thought or a lump of flesh and bones. You are brilliant, you are fierce, and most importantly, you are dangerous.

If the enemy of our souls can keep us preoccupied with the tiniest of superficial imperfections, then we will miss out on who we are and the power that we possess. When the enemy sees you, he sees Jesus and he is terrified. But if he knows you don’t see that, then maybe he can keep you in the dark.

It’s time for us to stop measuring ourselves based on the size of our jeans or the models on the wall. I do believe we should do our best to live fit and healthy lives, but the moment we start to compare ourselves with someone completely different from us, we relinquish all power that is uniquely ours to offer.

Oh, and what was the cause for me outgrowing the entire store? Well, as it turns out I was in Abercrombie KIDS!!! Can you believe that? Why would they even make those? The adult Abercrombie was directly under this one on the lower level. I felt pretty ridiculous after finding that out. I assure you that was not the first time the dressing room and I have had a confrontation and it wasn’t the last by any means (I assure you it was the last time I tried to wear children’s clothing). But feeling insecure about your body does not mean you’ve failed. How you decide to walk forward from those feelings is what will determine the strength of your life and the influence of your story.

Look in the mirror today and everyday and say this to yourself:

I am a beautiful daughter of God on the inside and the outside.

I was created on purpose and for a purpose which I will fulfill.

I am brave, fierce and dangerous to the kingdom of darkness.

I will not be sidetracked by insecurity, but I will choose to walk in freedom this day and every day and I will bring other women in my life with me.

Let’s walk with a different purpose than the world. For we have a heavenly mandate on this earth to represent a new and better way to live. Choose today what you will believe and what you will not. Set your heart on His design for you and allow Him to write the pages of your story well.  

 

xxo,
Jess