Isn't this little guy the cutest? Jeff and I had been wanting to adopt a kitten for several months, and as soon as we walked in and saw him, that was it. I think it's pretty obvious to see why. He's tiny and fluffy and has the greatest attitude in history! One minute, he has the be the center of your world but wait... as soon as you start to enjoy his presence a little too much, he decides that it's time to withdraw from you until you deserve another visit. What can I say, he get's me!
Going into this second month of marriage, all of the hustle from the wedding is finally settling down and, just like the changing seasons, you realize, "Oh crap, everything about my life is so different!" Your name is different, your closet space is different, your grocery list is different, your priorities are different, your money is different... I could go on. However, your grace is different.
I find that whenever I try to make things happen, when I put everything I have into becoming this idea of what a good wife should be, I always fall short and usually end up very frustrated. This feeling culminated one night for me when I failed to cook a delicious popcorn chicken dinner that I found online. I got out the pan and then boom... sat it down and started to cry. I was exhausted from a full day of work and an alarming lack of sleep. I looked at Jeff and told him how sorry I was for failing as his wife. With shock in his eyes (and perhaps quite a bit of laughter) he told me he didn't want popcorn chicken and we could order Chinese instead. I felt better :) but I wasn't sure how that all escalated so quickly. Feeling like a failure does't really motivate you to do better. It usually just paralyzes you, keeping you from seeing any potential or reason to keep trying.
But what I have to realize is that I'm not failing at being married... I AM MARRIED! Whether I feel like it or not, I am Jeff's wife and the moment I relax in knowing that, is the same moment my heart starts to feel content with where I'm at. Sure I'm still learning- sometimes the laundry is behind, I forgot paper towels at the store again, and I still DO NOT want to make that popcorn chicken recipe tonight!- But I'm not falling apart over it either. The moments that make up our life are right now and we can't spend them all wishing we were somewhere else or someone else. Life (and marriage) is about the journey and about enjoying the wedding, the new furniture, the new kitten, the new job, the new friends, the new chapter or season that your in. We all fail sometimes, but that doesn't make us failures. It just becomes another chapter in the magnificent tale of the life you choose to live. Don't write it perfect... just write it.