What Happens When Prince Charming Finally Arrives?

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read on “Why This Guy isn’t Right for You” or “10 Guys to Never Date” or “How to Avoid the Wrong Guy.” It’s a topic that we all want to know more about because we all want to avoid THAT guy- the one that’s so wrong for you in every way but you’re afraid you’ll date him regardless. We write break-up songs about those guys, recount the stories of those guys and sometimes even base our identity on those guys. But what happens when the right guy finally comes
 

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read on “Why This Guy isn’t Right for You” or “10 Guys to Never Date” or “How to Avoid the Wrong Guy.” It’s a topic that we all want to know more about because we all want to avoid THAT guy- the one that’s so wrong for you in every way but you’re afraid you’ll date him regardless. We write break-up songs about those guys, recount the stories of those guys and sometimes even base our identity on those guys. But what happens when the right guy finally comes along? When our dreams get handed to us, will we even know what to do with them?

I always thought I would just know when I met the right guy; I thought it would be obvious. And when I did, I imagined myself handing over my whole heart, exposing my very soul, and walking into a marriage where I didn’t fear anything. After all, he was finally here right? 

What I didn’t realize was that the wounds and hurts from my past wouldn’t just vanish once the right guy came along. Even after Jeff FINALLY approached me about dating, and I knew I wanted to be with him, I still struggled with feeling unworthy of such an incredible guy.

I remember driving up to my parents house in the mountains that weekend, crying and talking to God about Jeff and what I was supposed to do. He made it very clear how he felt and I knew I felt the same, but something icky inside me was trying to keep me down and keep me afraid to make a decision—one of the greatest decisions of my life. As I was driving down the back roads towards Boulder, the sun setting behind the Rockies beside me, I felt God whisper to me, “You believe I think you are worth pursuing, right?” I was able to answer yes with a bit of confusion as to the point He was making. Then He whispered something to my bruised soul I will never forget, “Then why can’t you believe that Jeff thinks you are worth pursuing too?”

Oh… I guess I really hadn’t thought about that too much.

I mean, I knew Jeff thought he wanted to be with me and I knew Jeff thought that I was worth pursuing, but that’s how every guy seems until they decide that it’s not worth it anymore. I realized that I had taken the hurtful qualities of all the wrong guys and put them on Jeff so that if things didn’t work out, I would be able to put him in that “wrong guy” category just like all the rest. But now, as it turns out, he was the RIGHT GUY! (And all the Angels shouted “PLOT TWIST!”)

All of the walls I had built around my heart to protect myself, were finally being asked to come down, and by God of all people! It felt like a lot of trust and I wasn’t sure how to navigate the road I was now on. It’s a good thing my crazy heart isn’t ever a surprise to God. He said to me, “You can trust Jeff because you can trust Me.”

Trusting someone with your heart doesn’t mean that they will never let you down or hurt you, but it does mean that you are trusting God with the process of not only your transformation but of Mr. Charming’s as well. I used to put my faith in guys to make me happy and feel wanted. That’s an impossible task even for the bravest of gentlemen. Taking that responsibility off of him and giving it to God was the greatest thing I could have done for our relationship and it helped me to see Jeff through God’s eyes. When we have His perspective, then we don’t have to worry about falling for Mr. Wrong and we also don’t have to worry about screwing everything up with Mr. Right. We can just walk and trust and move forward into the plans He has for us.

If you haven’t found Prince Charming yet, don’t worry, he’s out there. But you don’t have to fret about how it will happen or if you miss him. Just keep your eyes on Jesus and He will lead you down the road that has good things ahead for you. He’ll guide you, direct you, and when necessary, whisper secrets into your worried heart that will calm your fears and give you strength and courage.

Write this chapter well :)

xxo,
Jess 

With This Ring...

"You may now kiss the bride..." 

Fairytales are great at helping us get together, but what happens after the vows are made, after the cakes been cut, after toasts are given, and after he kisses the bride? It's so easy to get wrapped up in the planning and preparations, the one you love and the beauty of the day, but the love we feel has to be a decision and not just an emotion; one that starts it's own story shortly following happily ever after. 

We've all heard it many times before, often recited at weddings, love is patient, love is kind. But it seemed to hit me in a different sort of way when I read these verses in The Message. 

 

Love never gives up. 

Love cares more for others than self. 

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. 

Love doesn't strut, 

Doesn't have a swelled head, 

Doesn't force itself on others, 

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle, 

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 

Puts up with anything, 

Trusts God always, 

Always looks for the best, 

Never looks back, 

But keeps going to the end. 

Love never dies... 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

 

Oh... so that's what I was agreeing to when I recited my vows in front almost everyone I knew. It's easy to love people when they act lovely; we usually don't even need to decide to love, it's just our naturally reaction. We're so used to a conditional love- I'll act loving towards you when you start acting loving towards me- be what we're not so practiced at is actively loving people when they're not so lovely, especially our spouse. 

It says in the bible that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6) and I truly believe that it takes faith to step out in love towards someone when you don't feel like it. You have to take your trust off of yourself and out of the comfort zone that you've created, and put it into God's love for you. So that even when it's not reciprocated right away, or ever, your heart can stay at rest. 

Reading the verses above, it becomes more clear to me how our emotions can get us into so much trouble. I feel hurt, I feel wronged, what if they do it again, what if it's not enough, what if I'm not enough? Lies and fears keep us trapped in our emotional state, holding us back from acting on truth, which will in turn set us free from our negative emotions. Anytime you step out in faith, God will always meet you there. He's not in the boat after all, He's out on the water, waiting to see if you'll trust Him for something so much greater to happen in your life. 

Now when I look at my ring, I'll think Him and what He wants me to do and how He wants me to act. Making the decision to love time and time again will open up your life for so much more. We were never meant to live small lives, but rather lives that were so big and expansive that they immediately put to rest not only our own fears, but the fears of others. 

And that's how they would live happily ever after... well, sort of

Our Newest Little Giaimo + Changing Seasons

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 

Isn't this little guy the cutest? Jeff and I had been wanting to adopt a kitten for several months, and as soon as we walked in and saw him, that was it. I think it's pretty obvious to see why. He's tiny and fluffy and has the greatest attitude in history! One minute, he has the be the center of your world but wait... as soon as you start to enjoy his presence a little too much, he decides that it's time to withdraw from you until you deserve another visit. What can I say, he get's me! 

Going into this second month of marriage, all of the hustle from the wedding is finally settling down and, just like the changing seasons, you realize, "Oh crap, everything about my life is so different!" Your name is different, your closet space is different, your grocery list is different, your priorities are different, your money is different... I could go on. However, your grace is different. 

I find that whenever I try to make things happen, when I put everything I have into becoming this idea of what a good wife should be, I always fall short and usually end up very frustrated. This feeling culminated one night for me when I failed to cook a delicious popcorn chicken dinner that I found online. I got out the pan and then boom... sat it down and started to cry. I was exhausted from a full day of work and an alarming lack of sleep. I looked at Jeff and told him how sorry I was for failing as his wife. With shock in his eyes (and perhaps quite a bit of laughter) he told me he didn't want popcorn chicken and we could order Chinese instead. I felt better :) but I wasn't sure how that all escalated so quickly. Feeling like a failure does't really motivate you to do better. It usually just paralyzes you, keeping you from seeing any potential or reason to keep trying. 

But what I have to realize is that I'm not failing at being married... I AM MARRIED! Whether I feel like it or not, I am Jeff's wife and the moment I relax in knowing that, is the same moment my heart starts to feel content with where I'm at. Sure I'm still learning- sometimes the laundry is behind, I forgot paper towels at the store again, and I still DO NOT want to make that popcorn chicken recipe tonight!- But I'm not falling apart over it either. The moments that make up our life are right now and we can't spend them all wishing we were somewhere else or someone else. Life (and marriage) is about the journey and about enjoying the wedding, the new furniture, the new kitten, the new job, the new friends, the new chapter or season that your in. We all fail sometimes, but that doesn't make us failures. It just becomes another chapter in the magnificent tale of the life you choose to live. Don't write it perfect... just write it.