How to Keep Your Virtue as a Christian Girl

Staying Pure | Godly Womanhood | Single Advice

It can be tough being a Christian single girl in today's world. With so many mixed messages and short cuts to happiness, it takes diligence, persistence and intentionality to keep your virtue in an immoral and ever-changing society. But is there even a way for a girl to hold on to her virtue and if so, what does that even look like? 

Instead of going to the world to understand our identity as women, let's go to God's word to learn about who we were created to be. 

An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls.
— Proverbs 31:10 AMP

Spiritual, capable, intelligent, virtuous - these are the words that our God chooses to describe his daughters and they should be the words we hold before us as a mirror of who we truly are. These are also what God gives to men as traits to look for in a Godly wife. So if you're trying to land a Godly guy, then make sure your heart is alligned with his word. Who you become is what you'll attract. 

Her husband... praises her, saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], But you excel them all.”
— Proverbs 31:28-29 AMP

I think most of us, when we dream about the day we'll be married, we don't picture ourselves as easy, flirtatious and risqué women. But rather, as Christians, we hope to be the woman our husband is proud of, someone he can trust and rely on, someone other women look up to and depend on. But trust me, nothing magical happens the moment you say "I Do." The woman you are now is the woman you'll be then. 

You can't live two lives. The woman you are now is the wife you're preparing to be. 

Sure we're all growing. There's no doubting that! I don't think I'm the same girl I was last week let alone 8 months ago when I got married. We all grow, but we get to choose what kind of person we will grow into. 

Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.
— Proverbs 31:30 AMP

Physical beauty fades and is never a proper measure of your worth. The Top 100 Most Beautiful Women in the World from last year didn't make the cut this year. God measures beauty on a far more tender scale and he decided that you were worth making his own. 

As we dive into the word, we can clearly see that there are some MAJOR difference between a worldly woman and a virtuous woman. People will try and tell you that you're old-fashioned, that you need to get with the program. These people are never there for you when you get your heart broken but God will always be there for you. Therefore you can trust his direction for your life. 

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
— Proverbs 4:23 NLT

The decisions you make with your virtue today will affect the condition of your heart tomorrow. 

Guard your heart with the same fierce conviction that you will someday guard your husband's. After all, it's for him that your saving it for. Your heart will determine the course of your life and we all choose what we will allow into our hearts and what we will not. Virtue is not so much what you do with your body as it is what you allow in your heart. If you will keep your heart alligned with God and his word, your body will follow. Nothing happens on the outside without it happening first on the inside. 

Hold fast to virtue, for it's worth is far more than rubies and pearls. As a christian girl, virtue is a part of your DNA. Don't let the enemy steal what is rightfully yours. Know who you are and the value you carry, even if it means living against the crowd. You were born to stand out anyway. 

xxo, 

Jess 

Will the Real Gentlemen Please Stand Up?

We all want to be a part of an epic love story, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand romance. But in our day and age, our society has tried to inform us that this is nothing but a fairytale stored in old, dusty books- real life is different. 

They tell us to to make it easier on the guys by becoming "easy" ourselves. Drop the virtue, drop the purity and drop your clothes. Only then will you be valuable to a man. This world would have us believe that chivalry is dead. After all, if the enemy can take away the hope you see with your heart, then you're more likely to settle for what you see with your eyes. 

But I would challenge you that chivalry is not dead, your heart has value and you are worth pursuing. 

I didn't understand this for the longest time. I was brought up Christian, didn't do anything too drastic, but somehow, doubt started to creep into my heart. "Maybe I'm being a little old fashioned. Maybe the bible is a bit outdated. Maybe I just need to lower my standards a bit. After all, I don't want to be single forever!" 

I didn't have my first boyfriend till a few weeks after graduating High School and to be honest, I think I dated him just because he seemed interested in me. I thought that's what you do- when a guy seems interested in you, that's the guy you date. I was afraid that if I made things too hard on him, then he might not think I'm worth all the trouble and change his mind. Thus began the horrible cycle of dating. 

Now, I'm NOT against dating. But I do believe your motives and the condition of your heart are vital to whether or not a relationship is right for you. My motives were horrible and my heart was hurting, not ready to be handed over to a guy who didn't know what he was doing with it. I would be fairly close to God when a guy would pop up and I would subconsciously shut God out of that part of my life. I think I was afraid I would hear him say no. But if I didn't hear it, then I wasn't responsible for it. Or so I thought... 

There's that saying, "What you compromise to gain, you will eventually lose." And I found this to be true every time. I mean EVERY time. Just when I thought things would be fine, BAM.. end of relationship. I spent countless nights crying over guys that I wasn't sure I even liked to begin with. I don't think it was as much the guy as it was the understanding that someone thought I was worth hurting, someone thought I wasn't enough.. or too much! 

But no matter how many times I had walked away from His wisdom, God would always be there to hold me through the night, wipe my tears and show me the right way to start walking again. 

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
— Proverbs 4:23 NLT

I had forgotten what it meant to guard my own heart. 

I finally reached a point that I feel we all eventually come to where I was willing to trust Him with who I should be with. That meant spending time with Him even when it was uncomfortable, praying through things I wasn't sure how to talk about, and even saying no to guys when I knew it wasn't right. 

I was no longer dating in order to not be single but I was just resting in Him, knowing He had my back. 

No matter where you're at in the relationship world, never forget to guard your own heart. That doesn't mean never opening up to anyone or staying hidden in your own shell, but it does mean that not everyone will have access to it. Your heart is a treasure and when the right guy comes along, he'll see it that way and move mountains to prove he's worthy of it. 

If I could leave you with this... 

Chivalry is not dead. Gentlemen do exist. And one is waiting for you. 

But remember, if your looking for a prince, he'll be looking for a princess. Know who you are in Christ and cling to it with all your heart. I honestly don't think I believed gentlemen still existed till I met Jeff. He surprised me in every way and made me believe that I was worth everything he went through to win me over. 

Is he perfect? HECK NO! And he would say the same thing about me. It's not about who you can appear to be to the other person, but it's about what the other person means to you. Trust God with your heart, guard it from the robbers and thieves in this world, and be ready when God finally tells you, "It's okay. You can trust him. I've got his back." 

xxo, 

Jess